Millions of years on the planet, but...

Man! I spent the yesterday with some friends who are also going back to their respective countries. We hit a somen nagashi restaurant for some fantastic cold noodles served in a trough of swirling water...trust me, it's much better than it sounds. Then we decided to go to the beach for a last hurrah. We got to Hetsuka Beach (the most beautiful beach in all of Kyushu), and were treated to one of the most incredible sights known to man - a stupid turtle.

I don't mean "a stupid turtle" as something a kid would say, like "Oh, it's just a stupid turtle." No, dear reader, I mean that this turtle was fucking dumb! Check out the following pictures for a display of stupidity so great, you'd think this turtle should be on the Jerry Springer show.


As you can see, the turtle follows its age-old instincts, and climbs out of the sea, onto the beach, and begins its treck to lay its eggs somewhere on the beach. There are usually about 150 turtles that come to this beach each year to nest.




And next, you can see that the turtle is continuing on its long journey across said beach. Now, unbeknownst to the turtle, but definitely knownst to anyone who LOOKS, this beach is basically like a little peninsula between the ocean and a river, which runs behind the beach. That's what makes it such a great beach...when it's too hot to swim in the ocean in the summer, you just jump into the nice cool, refreshing river!



And maybe, dear friends, that is what this turtle was also thinking, since as you can see by her turtle tracks, she has leapt into the raging river down below! Is all lost for the turtle? Will we ever find out what became of her? Was she swept out to sea, never to be seen again? Tune in next week for another exciting edition of Tales of a Stupid Turtle!! Just kidding, look below.



Here we see our heroine, scrabbling madly for any purchase she can make. unfortunately, she's just a turtle, and lacks any kind of tactile devices that would allow her to access the top of the beach. I think she's a lost cause, and because of that, there's only one thing to do - make fun of her.


And that is just what Hanae has decided to do. Can you believe the audacity of this woman? Making fun a poor defenseless (stupid) turtle! Shame on you Hanae!! How could you!?! But this isn't the end of our stupid turtle saga. No, this turtle would've just kept on and on had we not helped it on it's merry (stupid) turtle way. How, you ask? Let me show you...



You see, the turtle had started trying to walk away, but it wasn't getting very far. I mean, how far would you get with your womb stuffed with 40 or so big freakin' eggs just dying to get laid? Uh huh, that's what I thought. Anyway, we thought we'd help nature take it's course.


Here we see the crew contemplating what was to be our biggest adventure...the digging of the Uchinoura Canal. We had a tough job ahead of us, but it was all for the saving of one of God's (stupidest) creatures! We all knew what we had to do.


And here we see the bearing of the fruits of our labor. We had ceased being men and women (and stupid turtles), and had become GODS. But oh friends, this was just the beginning. Little did we know, but our canal was soon to become more than we (or that stupid turtle) had bargained for.


Here is Marcus, nearly being swept off his feet as the current increases to an unholy pitch, as if all the demons of hell were denying us our deification. Fergus is stranded on his rock with no chance for escape!


Fergus, stranded with no hope for survival, contemplates jumping the chasm, or vortex to HELL, that he has helped to create. Marcus lets him know in no uncertain terms, that he will surely be killed, and washed out to sea, "over there."


Here is the "over there" of which Marcus was speaking. A horrible current, which would certainly have killed us all, given the chance. Unfortunately, there was nothing we could do for Fergus. I believe he may still be stranded on his rock, watching over the mess he helped to forge. The stupid turtle on the other hand, has finally regained its rightful place in the sea, and I'm happy to report that it came in again later that same evening (in a different place), and delivered its batch of eggs, so that a whole new generation of dumb-ass turtles may repeat the same mistakes their mother once made. Only time will tell I guess.